Happy Birthday, Baby
by nancy777ca
Summary: Kara Thrace is no Martha Stewart. AKA, what exactly DID Simon The Cylon do to Kara in that farm?


**Happy Birthday, Baby**

There were no cows on Galactica.

Kara Thrace mulled over this annoying bit of information as she stared up at the ceiling. No chickens either. Frak. How were you supposed to bake someone a birthday cake with no milk and no eggs? They had some kind of synthetic odd tasting flour substitute but without eggs and milk, it was just that. Flour. Add water and you get glue, not cake.

Happy Birthday, Lee. Here's some glue. Kara supposed it was a good thing she couldn't bake then. She shifted on the mattress and felt Lee reach over and pinch her.

"Stop that or I'm kicking you to the floor." He grumbled sleepily.

"Lee."

He opened one very annoyed blue eye.

"Do you know anywhere we could get eggs?" She asked quietly.

His eyebrows drew together. "What?"

"Eggs? Or some milk, maybe?"

Lee raised his head slightly off the pillow and blinked at her. His face was flushed with the sleep he was obviously desperate to get back to and his dark hair stood half up and half down on his forehead in seriously disarrayed tufts. "Go to sleep, Kara." He ordered and dropped his face back onto the pillow.

"Damn." Kara grumbled, going back to staring up at the ceiling. She wanted to do something nice for him. After all he had scoured the whole fleet, delving into the underground black market to find a CD of her father's music for her birthday last year.

For his birthday a few years ago, she'd married him. A pretty big deal if Kara did say so herself, she thought smugly.

For her birthday the next year, he'd given her Kaylee, their 3 year old daughter, which technically had come out of her body but Lee insisted it counted as a birthday gift for her since he put Kaylee in there to begin with.

Kara had been too busy screaming bloody murder to split hairs.

So what was she to do now? How did you top marriage and birth as birthday gifts? They had never had cake on any of their recent birthdays cause of the lack of ingredients but Kara was determined, this year, Lee would get a cake.

Poor Kaylee had no concept of what a birthday cake even was, which saddened Kara and made her grateful at the same time.

Kara had some serious work to do.

She talked to Helo first thing that morning and he told her he might be able to find out if there were anyone had come up with any eggs substitutes. Though nowhere on the Galactica, that'd he'd heard of.

He poked his head into Lee and Kara's family quarters and Kara ushered Helo in quickly. Lee was in CIC doing Commander things and probably getting drunk on celebratory ambrosia as everyone wished him a happy 33rd birthday.

"Okay, we have some kind of synthetic egg yolk thing that some people are using that tastes like crap on it's own but seems pretty egg-like and tasty when you combine it with other things. You can trade something for a box of it on Geminon. The milk is a bit harder though. The closest we can come to that is breast milk that's been uh...shall we say...re-engineered?"

"Do I wanna know?" Kara asked grimacing.

"No you do not," Helo insisted. "Now for that, you're gonna have to go to the Prometheus."

Kara felt an uncomfortable lump settle in her stomach. "Ah frak me. How do I know it's not laced with stims or some other frakking drug? Kaylee is gonna be eating this and I'd rather she not be introduced to 'happy pills' just yet."

"You could have Cottle or Baltar run tests on it first."

"Yeah, after I trade my soul for it, thanks. Though I gotta say, the look on Dr Freakweasel or Cottle's face when I ask them to run a trace on breast milk is mighty tempting. Ah hell, maybe I'll just give Lee a 24 hour sex marathon for his birthday."

"Too much info, Starbuck." Helo said.

"Sorry. Dammit. I want this cake. Alright, Mr Raptor Pilot. We're going on a trip to the Prometheus."

"Mommy, what's cake?" Kaylee spoke from her spot in the corner where she lay on her stomach, scribbling on paper with a pencil.

Kara and Helo both jumped, having forgotten the child was in the room.

"Lords." Kara lifted a hand to her chest. Kaylee was definitely Lee's child. She had the ability to sit still and quiet for the longest time, fully absorbed in whatever she was doing until she decided to make her presence known.

"Cake is something yummy that we're gonna make for daddy's birthday. Sound good?" Kara crouched down next to her daughter.

"Okay." Kaylee nodded going back to her picture.

"But it's a secret. We want to surprise dadddy so we can't tell him yet, okay?" Kara told her, hoping that the kid was old enough to understand the concept.

"Okay." Blonde curls bounced again.

Kara gave Helo an uncertain shrug and got back to her feet.

Helo tilted his head and focused on the picture Kaylee was drawing, a series of straight intersecting lines that almost looked like a triangle. "What you got there, Short Stuff?"

"I make a pane for daddy. It's happy birthday." Kaylee explained.

"Something tells me, he's gonna like that plane better than his drugged out cake." Kara grimaced with a snort of laughter.

Kara did not relish being on the Prometheus. The place was loud, dark and smelled something awful but she was halfway to the one domestic goal she had ever set for herself. Lee was the cook, able to make amazing stuff from the substitutions and synthetic ingredients he was able to piece together.

Kara one concession to domesticity was marrying Lee and popping out baby. Baby. She doubted she would ever do THAT again, she shuddered at the memory. Still, the look on Lee's face when Cottle handed Kaylee to him had been something. Everything on his face had mirrored what Kara had been feeling at that moment. Fear, uncertainty, joy, relief.

Kaylee taught her how to be a good mother. Kara had been so against having kids, fearful she'd pass on her own childhood to any offspring that she'd been terrified when she realized she was pregnant. But Lee had been scared shitless too and oddly, Kara had found that comforting. So they had learned together. With a little blue eyed bundle of snot and sass as their teacher. Kara was still afraid she'd screw Kaylee up royally, but then Kaylee would smile at her, that Starbuck smile, or wrap her arms around her with so much trust and unconditional love that Kara couldn't not respond to it and try her best to be what her mother couldn't be for her.

Lee had told Kara about some of the child trafficking that had been going on a few years ago when he'd told her about Shevon, a prostitute he had visited during one of his darker periods. Kara hadn't wanted to hear about it but Lee had made her. Telling her there could be no secrets between them if they were gonna make this work. So she'd listened, and tried not to imagine running Shevon The Whore's face through a meat grinder.

The idea that anyone could take Kaylee and hurt her that way, sell her to Gods know who for Gods know what made Kara's blood freeze. She'd die before anyone touched a blessed hair on her daughter's head. It was a little while after Kaylee was born and Kara remembered the story about Shevon that Kara had known she was nothing like her mother.

She walked the crowded corridors of Prometheus now, sending glares and outright 'Frak off' 's to anyone who came peddling their wares at her. She wanted one thing and one thing only and then she wanted to get the hell off this damn ship and back home where she was safe and could be at ease.

It took her a good hour to find the guy she wanted. He led her through one of the lower level corridors to where they brewed their various liquors. He handed her a bottle of what he said was the specially engineered milk.

"I'm getting this tested, and if it's frakking not clean, I'm coming back here and shoving my gun so far up your ass you'll be sneezing bullets. Got it?" Kara threatened, getting a little thrill from not having to watch her mouth in case Kaylee was within earshot.

"Hey, sure thing, honey. Sure thing. Clean as a whistle. No doubt."

"Good, and it's Starbuck. Remember that," Kara insisted.

"I'm sorry, did you say Starbuck?" A female voice asked behind her.

"Yeah," Kara confirmed turning to look at the woman. Her long dark blonde hair hung down over her shoulder, just above her breasts, which were almost visible beneath the low cut gown she wore. Her heavily made up face confirmed Kara's suspicion that this one was a hooker.

"Are you friends with a Captain Apollo...or, no, it's Commander now, huh? I knew him when he was a Captain. Shevon." The woman extended her hand and Kara almost recoiled from it but she forced herself to take the offered hand. "So how is he?"

"Good. He's...um..good," Kara replied, feeling sick inside. It was one thing to know the man you loved had frequented hookers during his darker days. It was quite another to come face to face with one. She forced herself to stiffen her spine. This woman was no threat to her. Kara knew that.

"I heard he got married a few years back?" The woman was smiling at her and Kara felt herself relax a little. There was no spite in Shevon's tone.

"Yep, has a little girl too," Kara informed her, trying not to sound smug.

"Yeah, I heard that too. Amazing. He was really wonderful to my little Paya. She still talks about him. I always knew he'd find someone great if he just got out of his own way, ya know?" Shevon said softly. "Well, I'm sure she's quite a woman to have pinned down Lee Adama. I just hope she knows how lucky she is. He's one of the good ones."

Kara could have told her that she was speaking to Lee's wife and the mother of his child, but Kara simply nodded, feeling a warm possessive glow in her chest. "Yeah, I think she knows."

"Well, could you tell him Paya says hi? Not sure if he'd feel comfortable hearing from me, being a married man and all," Shevon said with a laugh.

"I'll do that." Kara agreed. The look on Lee's face would certainly be good for a laugh.

"Oh and could you give him this from Paya too?" Shevon took Kara's hand again and took her forefinger between Shevon's forefinger and thumb in a small grip.

"That was their handshake," Shevon explained with a smile.

"Right." Kara nodded.

Lee was sitting in his office when Kaylee came in, carried by Cally who was making funny faces at her, making the youngster giggle hysterically.

"Happy Birthday, Commander." Cally gave him a short salute after passing Kaylee to him.

"Thanks, Cally. How's the Chief?"

"Good. Thinks this ones gonna be a girl," she said patting her swollen belly.

"I'd say after four boys, you're due for some estrogen to balance things out huh?" Lee joked.

"So say we all." Cally laughed. "All right, I'll see you later, Commander. Bye Kaylee." She waved at the little girl who waved back.

"Bye, bye. See you tomorrow." That was Kaylee's sign off for every one, no matter if she'd be seeing them in an hour or in a week.

"So, what shall we do to entertain ourselves until mommy gets back?" Lee asked carrying Kaylee into the bedroom and swooping her over the bed while Kaylee squealed in anticipation of being dropped. Lee faked her out three times and Kaylee began to squeeze her eyes shut with each pass knowing that any second now, her father would let go.

"Uh oh, pilot's gotta eject. Uh oh!" Then Lee let go and Kaylee's little ruffled dress flew up over her head as she hit the bed with a bounce.

"'gain, daddy! 'gain!" Kaylee insisted climbing onto her knees and throwing herself at Lee.

They played the game about six more times before Kaylee lay panting on the bed, red faced and happy. Lee lowered himself to his knees and Kaylee leaned up to press a kiss to Lee's nose.

"Happy Birthday, Daddy," She exclaimed then hugged him so tight Lee felt his breath hitch and his eyes burn inexplicably with tears.

Lords, fatherhood turned him into such a girl, he thought with a laugh.

"Wanna see my pezent?"

"Well, don't you want to wait until later?" Lee suggested. "I think there's gonna be a party."

"And cake!" Kaylee exclaimed. Then clamped her hands over her mouth "Uh oh."

Lee cocked an amused eyebrow. The kid might have his eyes, but apart from that, she was all Starbuck, right down to her big mouth. "Cake huh?"

"Shh! Daddy, it's s'pose to be secret. Oops."

"Well, I promise I won't tell." Lee assured her, tapping her tiny nose.

"Daddy!" Kaylee exclaimed in an exasperated tone that Lee could just see being mimicked ad nauseaum in her teen years. "The secret was for you. A supise."

"Oh!" Lee said dramatically. "I see. What if I promise to be surprised later?"

"Okay," Kaylee nodded, satisfied. "So you wanna see my pezent now?"

"Why not? Sure."

Kaylee slid off the bed and toddled over to the corner where her coloring books and crayons were. She pulled out a sheet of paper from beneath the messy pile and handed it to him A drawing of a...triangle? Lee wondered silently. He didn't dare ask.

"Wow. I love it," He said smiling as he tried to mentally decipher what on earth it could be.

"I'm gonna fly with mommy." She explained.

"Oh!" Lee said slowly with sudden understanding. A plane. "Good job, sweetheart."

Kaylee beamed up at him.

"Best present I got all day." Technically it had been the only present he'd gotten so far but she didn't need to know that.

An artistic little viper pilot. Yep, that was his little Starbuck.

"But mommy says the cake is really yummy too. Is cake like that icky green stuff I have to eat? Cause mommy always says that's yummy and that's nod the truth at all!" Kaylee asked with a tiny shudder.

"No, I promise. Cake is yummy," Lee assured her. Though considering his non-culinary inclined wife, the verdict may still have to hold out on that. A cake, Lee thought, his mouth watering. He hadn't had cake in years! He was already thinking of delicious ways to show Kara his appreciation, regardless of how said cake turned out. He hoped there was some left over later.

"That's cake, mommy?" Kaylee asked, hunched over the counter in Galactica's galley. Kara had shooed the cook out and asked the woman to give her a few hours. The cook promised to be a holler away for when Kara needed help. When. Not If. Thanks a lot. Did everyone on Galactica think she was a helpless twit? "That doesn't look yummy." Her daughter insisted, grimacing at the soupy batter. "That looks like..." she followed with a gagging face, sticking out her tiny pink tongue as far as it would go.

"Well it's not cake yet. It has to go in the oven for a while." How long exactly? Kara wondered. Damn, she should have gotten a recipe to follow. But really, how hard could it be? Eggs, milk, flour...sugar? Frak. She forgot sugar. Kara looked around the cupboards until she found the sweetener. "Hopefully, this'll work too." She added one cup...then another half, just too make sure. Kara dipped her finger in the batter experimentally then licked it. Sweetness exploded on her tongue. "Whoa. A bit too much." She decided to add another half a cup of flour to cut the sugar content. Another dip with her finger. "Hmm." Kara remarked not as sweet, just kinda... grainy.

Kaylee followed her lead, dipping in a finger and then bringing it to her mouth. Beady blue eyes looked up hesitantly at her mother "You sure this is gonna be cake?"

Kara rolled her eyes. "Yes." She hoped.

"How does it go in the oven to be cake?"

"The oven cooks it. It makes it hot and the cake puffs up." She hoped.

"Like magic?" Kaylee asked.

"Sure." Kara replied with a shrug. That was as good an explanation as any and the Lords knew it was gonna take a miracle to make this work.

Dipping in her finger into the batter again, Kaylee still wasn't convinced. "I'm vewy confused." She said, shaking her head.

Kara stared at her daughter and then burst out laughing. Sometimes, the kid was just like a grown up person in a tiny body.

Kaylee shifted on the chair she was standing on, her elbow brushing a wooden spoon on the counter and sending it clattering to the floor. "Ah bloody hell!" She exclaimed, climbing off the chair to pick it up.

"Where on earth did you pick that up?" Kara asked, choking on another burst of laughter.

"It falled down." Kaylee explained holding up the spoon.

"No, 'bloody hell'. Where did you learn that?" Kara knew of only one man who talked like that.

"Doctor Batty. He says it all da time when he see me." Kaylee explained. The lab was one of Kaylee's favorite places cause of all the fun knobs and buttons. Whenever she disappeared from her parent's sight, she was usually there or in the hangar bay 'helping' Chief Tyrol fix the vipers.

"Kaylee, how many times have I told you not to go in there. Baltar's already crazy enough without you breaking his equipment and making him go all bug eyed. He might pop a genius brain cell. Gods forbid." Kara said, her mouth quirking upward.

"The nice lady plays with me. She says I can go when I want to," Kaylee explained.

Kara stopped stirring the batter and stared at her. "What lady?

"The lady with the 'lello' hair."

Yellow hair? "Ellen Tigh?" Kara asked her face screwed up with disgust. She was the only other blonde Kara knew on Galactica. If Ellen had touched Kaylee, Kara was tempted to wash her daughter in bleach.

"No!" Kaylee burst horrified. "She's a stupid meanie head and she smells like hoochie all da time! Dr Batty's lady smells nice and she smiles at me a lot. She says I'm 'pecial."

Kara felt a prickle of unease she had learned to trust over the years shiver down her back. Who was this blonde lady and what was she doing with Dr Freakweasel and what the frak did she want with Kaylee?

"Mommy. I think you made a boo boo. That's not cake. That's bread," Kaylee insisted as Kara opened the oven door for the fifth time to see why the hell her 'cake' wasn't fluffy and golden brown. Kaylee was right. It looked like a slightly puffed up version of the pancake/cracker they used as bread.

"You're right kiddo. I think mommy made a boo boo," She agreed pulling it out and putting it on the counter, staring at it. "What the hell did I do wrong?"

" 's' okay mommy. I'm sure it's yummy. I like bread." Kaylee patted Kara's back then reached out to break off a piece. She quickly jerked her small hand back. "Hot!"

"Now what?" Kara stared at the deflated crumbly round 'not cake', disappointment filling her. She wanted to hurl the stupid thing across the room. Who was she kidding, trying to play happy homemaker? She was a terrible wife. Couldn't even make a frakking cake for frak's sake! She shook her head, forcing her disappointment aside. Kaylee had never had cake and she didn't seem all that upset. Nothing for it now. If there was anything Kara was good at, it was improvising.

"Okay, let's see what we can do here. Kaylee, hand mommy the flour." Kara reached for the batter and started refilling it again. Cakes had layers, and frak it, her pancake/cracker/bread/cake was gonna have layers too!

Four hours later she had a three layer 'cake' with a strawberry gelatin filling and icing.

"Oooooh! That does look yummy," Kaylee insisted bouncing in her chair as Kara put the finishing touches on Lee's cake. Kaylee slid her finger along the edge, scooping up some of the sweet gelatin. Sticking her finger in her small puckered mouth, Kaylee smiled at her mother. "Mmmm. Cake is good."

Kara reached for a piece of one of the layers that didn't make the cut and broke off a triangle. She put it on top of the icing and grabbed the piping bag, writing 'Happy Birthday, Lee' in strawberry letters.

"Wow," Kaylee whispered, suitably impressed with the process.

"Starbuck, are you done yet?" Helo asked, sticking his head in for the third time. "People are wondering where the hell you are."

"We made cake!" Kaylee squealed excitedly rushing towards him. Helo caught her just as she rammed into his legs and scooped her up.

"Did you now? Oh...boy." Helo's smile froze when he saw the 'cake'.

"You're going to eat it and smile," Kara threatened.

"Mhmm. Can't wait," Helo said with a pained grimace.

"And that goes for anybody else out there. They don't like it? They can starve for all I care." Kara insisted.

The crew all turned when Helo opened the door to let Kara though with her...cake.

"Supise, daddy!" Kaylee yelled happily, shifting Helo's embrace, urging him to let her down so she could make a beeline for her father across the room.

Lee picked her up and kissed her cheek as a chorus of Happy Birthday started and Kara made her way to Lee hesitantly.

Lee blinked when he looked at the cake but forced himself to keep smiling. Good lords. It looked like...she took a stack of Galactica's bread and slathered some kind of red jelly on it. She bit her lip and looked so nervous Lee couldn't help smiling wider. He didn't care what it tasted like (Good lords, help them) she had tried to do something nice for him. That was all that mattered.

He nuzzled her cheek and whispered "I love you' in her ear, making her beam at him. Gods, he hoped he was a good actor.

The cake split with a loud series of cracks when he tried to cut the first piece and some of it slid off the tray onto the floor.

Kara's cheeks reddened with embarrassment and she cleared her throat and tried to look like she wasn't fazed in the least.

Lee stared at the bit of food on his fork, everyone watching him, waiting for him to take a bite. Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer... He forced the fork into his mouth and used every ounce of willpower to smile. Cardboard. He was eating sweetened cardboard. "Hmmmhmm" He said, trying to sound suitably impressed. He loved her. She loved him. She was the mother of his child. She'd saved his life on more times than he could count. He would frakking finish everything on his plate and smile while he did it if it killed him.

There were various hidden choking and gagging noises made while others tried the cake as well but everyone was smiling at Kara when she looked to see if they were enjoying her creation.

"Wherever did you find the ingredients for a cake, Captain Thrace?" President Roslin asked, holding her as yet untouched piece of cake. "I mean, eggs, milk, baking soda. I thought these things had been completely unheard off after the Cylon attacks."

"What's baking soda?" Kara asked blankly.

"Ohhhh!" the crowd suddenly burst in understanding around them.

"Good cake, Starbuck." Lee's father leaned and kissed her cheek.

Okay, so his father was a damn good actor too, Lee remarked, trying not to laugh.

"Thank you, Sir," Kara smiled, finally taking a bite. Her eyes widened and Lee quickly grabbed her and held her to him. "Oh frak. That's foul!" She hissed, muffled against his uniform.

"Shh. Everyone is pretending to like it so you don't kill them," Lee admitted holding his wife close to his chest. He pulled her back slightly. "Besides it's not that bad." He assured her.

Kaylee tugged on Kara's pants. "Mommy. I love you vewy much but I don't want cake anymore." The little girl handed Kara her plate and shuddered, making gagging motions as she reached up and grabbed a Klennex off the table, wiping her tongue with it as she walked away.

"Oh my Gods!" Kara said, torn between laughing and crying.

"It's okay. She still loves you, see?" Lee reminded her, but she could feel him laughing behind her. "Besides we all have our talents. Yours happens not to be...uh..in the culinary area...per se." He said, holding back laughter.

"I'm gonna kick your ass when we're alone. Dammit! I wanted to do something nice for you. Now you don't even have a birthday gift. This blows!"

"I know what you could give me." Lee smiled and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he reached for a glass of ambrosia to wash out his mouth.

"Oh that reminds me. You'll never guess who I ran into on Prometheus." Kara crossed her arms over her chest and smiled at him.

"What were you doing on Prometheus?" Lee scowled.

"You can yell at me about that later and I can pretend to be sorry. But first things first. This familiar?" Kara grabbed his forefinger in a mimick of little Paya's handshake.

"Uh..." Lee's cheeks flushed uncomfortably.

"By all means, yell at me now, Commander," Kara dared him, her eyes round and glittering.

"I love you." Lee smiled sheepishly.

"Mommy! Mommy! See? There's the lady!" Kaylee came rushing back over to them and Kara picked her up.

"Where is this woman? Show me," Kara searched the crowd for an unfamiliar faces.

"What woman?" Lee asked.

"Over there, with Dr Batty," Kaylee pointed to as far as Kara could see, the empty space next to Dr Freakweasel.

"Do you see her?" Kara asked Lee.

He shrugged. "I don't even know who I'm looking for."

"What's she look like, babe?" Kara asked her daughter.

"She's right there. She has 'lello hair and a blue dress. Hi Lady!" Kaylee called out with a wave.

"I don't see anyone next to Baltar," Lee insisted.

"I'm thinking maybe there were happy pills in that breast milk," Kara decided, shaking her head at her daughter.

The End


End file.
